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Thursday, February 5th, 2004
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11:16 pm - I bare to you my soul...
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Have you ever loved someone so much, all you could do was cry for them?
My entire life, I based upon myself two hopes; two hopes which carried me through the good and the bad times: Giving and recieving love. Most have contemplated the idea of suicide, but in my mind, if there was even a chance these were true, then life was worth living. It's why I breathe! I inhale the life of God; his love to me. I was born doing this, but in the same sense, I never exhaled but a tiny bit. My entire life I had faith that God had someone building and waiting for me; I had faith God was building and saving me for someone else. It was why I inhaled day after day -- Hope.
I can breathe! And oh what a feeling it is to breathe free, to inhale God's love and to follow up with an exhale for my love -- Danielle. I reserved my breathe my entire life for her, and now I have more than I expected to give it to; naught a someone, but a miracle!
Since the day I looked into her eyes with a questioning of possibility, I knew the name of my reason of holding my love, and I felt all the better for having waited so long -- I only wish I could've waited longer to show her, God and everyone how long I could've lasted for such a miracle! Since the day I figured this out, I've been baring to her my soul as much as I could; more and more, with every chance.
Today was our three month anniversary. I made reservations at a fun restaraunt called "Buca Di Bepo" for 6:00, quickly realized that wouldn't work and switched to 6:30. Jeff and Danny were over, but at 5:00 I took Jeff home and stopped by the Florist while taking Danny home, where I got two red roses and a white one -- Danny was flattered until he realized they weren't for him. After I dropped him off I immediatly went to Danielle's friends house and picked her up -- I could see nothing but Joy from my blind eyes and she appeared even more beautiful than usual. After giving her the roses we went back to her house to put them in water, quickly. We left for Buca Di Bepo. The rest of the night was fun; we had a good time and eventually went back to her house where she chose for us to watch "The Little Mermaid" -- tip for you guys out there: just suck up your pride and watch the damn movie! Afterwards we laid down, staring into each other's eyes where I felt so powerful yet vulnerable; my soul was already exposed, so I gave even more of it to her -- I don't have to tell you all to keep it "G" rated, if you would've done more, please don't drop me to your level; that wasn't the time for such thoughts. After kissing her goodnight I left and entered my car, where I sat and stared.
I don't know why, but I took my phone from my pocket and text messeged my friend Naomi -- "I love her so much. I weep in respect of such beauty..." I don't know what happened; placing the phone in my pocket I felt the first tear begin to travel down my face, and looking out the window I realized it began to snow at the same time. I pulled out of her driveway, trying to keep myself in routine while attempting to desipher such strange tears. Driving down the road my tears quicked, as did my random laughing and the snow falling all around me. I couldn't keep a steady pace with the speed and kept getting the distinct impression I was going too fast, then as I looked down I realized I was going fifteen below the speed-limit. Finally, I pulled into the Farmer Jack parkinglot, as I realized my supressing my tears was only choking me and causing me to drive worse. The tears flowed from my soul to my eyes and down my cheeks like the quickening snow around me. I didn't know what else to do, so I felt completely rediculous and called Naomi. She sat quietly on the phone as I choked out incoherent words between tears -- I think I was mostly thanking her, and that I hoped I only sounded half as rediculous as I felt. I don't know how long I did this, though I did notice that the snow seemed to slow as I did, and speed up with me as well -- it was a bit strange. Finally I managed to minimize the tears and Naomi explained in my calmed state they were tears of Joy -- I knew this was true, but until this moment in my life, nothing like that has ever happened to me; I didn't even let friends see my cry, much less call them and have them sit there to me weep! I thanked her once more and wished her a 'goodnight' as we hung up. I drove home, laughing and crying still; I knew this was going to make one hell of a Livejournal post.
Danielle, I want to prove to you how much I'm capable of loving someone. Everyone else, I hope you find yourself loving someone so much that all you can do is weep for them.
Take care.
God bless.
~Jason Adams
current mood: indescribable
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| Monday, February 2nd, 2004
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10:45 pm - Look through the eyes of a Psionic Angel
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To my astonishment, a few have requested that I do a peopled summary system. In the past a few individuals asked me to define them and give a little of my own thought behind them, so to the best of my ability, I did just that. Apparently I did quite a good job at it, as they informed me so and told a few others of it. Later, those "few others" came to me with the same request; just like the first time, I did just that. Now, more are asking that I do that for them, and after conscenting some friends first, I decided I'd give the chance for those whom wish it. Please post a comment(or if you're really too shy then ask me in person), and I'll reply to your request with my illusteration.
Before I begin though, I would like to definitly explain to you what I'm doing. I've put it pretty bluntly as to what I'm basically doing, though I'm sure this is more than likely a complete turn-off for the majority of you. I'll do my best and layout for you the timeless process:
I'd say all of you would agree that I'm a definite optimist, for most of you have commented in that past as to "how beatiful the world must look through my eyes." I'd like to say this is true, as everything is very beautiful to me, but just the same, I'd also like to believe I'm not too blind; I know evil and wrong when I see it. In this sense, I will be honest when I illustrate you through my eyes -- be it brutally or wonderfuly. It's not what you say that interests me, it's what you don't say; it's not what you wear that interests me, it's what you hide; it's not what your lips say that interests me, it's what your eyes say -- in this, you shall see which colors shine before me. Within the marble statues lays an angel, I see it and wish to see it set free. Until then, let me see if I can describe you to yourself until you're able to gaze upon your own true reflection.
Take care.
God bless.
~Jason Adams
Edit:
Please be patient with my responses. I doubt I'll be able to do more than one a night, as once I get my mind and heart focused on one person it'll be too risky to switch to another without accidentally carrying over traits.
current mood: Joyful
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(4 comments | comment on this)
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| Tuesday, January 27th, 2004
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11:10 pm - "Man I'm so pissed!" "Why?" "I'm an angstful teen!"
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Once again, I'm going to make a postponment on my Barbarianism bit, as I don't think enough people are quite ready to read it; I'd like to catch at least the majority up with the rest of us, before I begin to deal out ideas to the crowd. Frankly, if I posted on it now, very few one would listen, care, take it correctly, nor contemplate it's meaning.
Topic of today: Teenage Angst -- what's it good for?
For easier understanding, we've split time into three seperate categories: one that diminishes, one that stays the same, and one that grows -- future, present and the past. We realize we form the past and define the present, but no one's exactly sure what we can do with the past. Seemingly, you can't change it, as it's already happened, so you can only hope the latest additions to it will be better with each one. From what I've gathered, the past is quite changeable; you can't change what it's made of, but you can change what it is. Take the worst moment of your life. Initially, and possibly consistantly, it's a lemantation of our past which we may have not even shared with anyone else. What happened happened, and you cannot change that; instead, change what it is. Turn this rued moment of your life, and turn it into an experience from which you've extracted all the wisdom one can from each second. For if it was truly so horrible, then it was consecutively horrible, and in my eyes, that's a lot of wisdom crammed into each second. It just hit's uncomfortably hard and fast, so we quickly define it as a horrible accident, rather than a hard lesson. You didn't change what the past was made of, but in this, you did change what it is to you now.
2 Corinthians 13:11
"Live in peace; and the God of love and peace shall be with you."
-- I know not nor care not to count how many I know -- teens and adults alike -- who should learn this verse, and honestly, memorize it; it's short, it's simple, and it would answer a lot of questions. Truthfully, teenage angst is a matter of finding joy and peace, and learning how to keep it. Many tell me of such times in which they were "happy," and worse yet, when they describe of happy times to come, they imply time limits among those happy times. Good lord, how can one recieve good if all one does is anticipate life's next villianous thievery of happiness? It's totally useless paranoia! I'm not going to call out everyone's hypocracy and vain, as no one knows it better than yourselves; it'd be hypocritical of me to call our your own hypocracy. Just the same, you're all very powerful individuals without truly realizing it -- it is your anticipations, your expectations, your self-constructive limitations to reality which you see in front of you. Without realizing it, you're manifesting your own chaos into the world before you. Amazing, yet horrifying. I've often felt quixotic and engaged my mind in a hypothetical reality which seems too good to be possible; but what if everyone took this chaos, realized there's always peace and organization for chaos to exist, and manifested that into reality instead? I wonder; I really wonder how much better things could be.
I'm going to end it short today, as I really feel all which I didn't and don't say should be the most contemplated. Possibilities are endless, and I leave them for you to percieve and achieve. My friends, I've all the faith in the world in you and all my hope to back it up. Please, learn to understand peace and joy -- you won't regret it, I promise.
Take care and have a great night.
God bless.
~Jason Adams
current mood: quixotic
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| Friday, January 23rd, 2004
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3:30 pm - Still no rapture....
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Hmm, I still seem to be here, so I guess rapture hasn't quite started yet. Ah heck, I'll post as to what I've been up to at late:
Basically it all comes down to the usual, which is boring to hear, even worse to watch, and joyfully relaxing to live; I've been with Danielle and various other friends, speaking and meeting with old friends, silently and recessively forging my future, and smiling all the while as I lazily watch the world tick by -- the sound of life through time has quite a distinct noise to it, a melody rather, which I could sit an listen to forever without problem. Just the same, there's a few things I'd like to get done in this short life, and even including that, I've been enjoying each day more than the last. Seems about time for life to throw me a curve-ball, but I'd rather not over-anticipate new wounds; I've old I still need to heal, and branches I still need to dodge.
Last night my parents took me to Caribou Coffee again. As my parents and I have reocognized, it's impossible to speak around my house, as our minds are reluctantly, yet constantly, on another task that is or will be. So we occassionaly take a trip to Caribou, where the friendly environment, a cup of coffee and detachment grants us exactly what we need to stop our lives for one night and touch base with one another. I love doing that, it really means a lot to me to let my parents know what's happening in my life and get to see what's going on in theirs. The conversation was simple, the only completely serious discussion we had at one point -- which was hardly a discussion as it was a total agreement -- was over the fatal atrosity of Abortion, but that's about it, and that was temporary.
Soon I'll be posting another extended bit of thoughts. Though it's come to my attention that many of you simply scan what I write or barely pay attention to what I'm saying. Admittingly, it hurts that some of you don't have enough time in your life to simply read what I've written for you(as I write it for you individually as much as I do all of you together). But it's not a matter of pride which hurts, as I'm lucky enough to have you all as my friends, much less listening to each blabbering remark I say; it hurts as I don't enjoy watching people rush so much that they can't seem to find time for anything anymore. My friends, we have nothing if not time, the patience to give such time, and the wisdom to discern that which deserves our time. But just the same, we always have time.
Well, you can anticipate my next four-page set of thoughts within a few days, possibly tonight if I find the propper muse to write such a paper. I hope you all have a wonderul evening, and an even better tomorrow.
Take Care.
God Bless.
~Jason Adams
current mood: calm
current music: My nephew playing in the background.
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(4 comments | comment on this)
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| Monday, January 19th, 2004
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1:56 am - Rightful tribute to a Good Man
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Tonight, I'd like to share with you all, the pleasure of meeting, my good friend, Luke Purkey. Growing up in Gaylord, my best friend was an older young man down the street -- Luke. A quieter young man with a pet snake, Luke put up with me a lot. Even with the girl down the street(Brooktrout Lane) named Cara, another girl further down Brooktrout that moved, and a boy across the street named A.J., Luke was my choice to be with. Even with my two older sisters, the oldest of which being closest to his age, he chose to hang out with me. Some would find this fact a little silly; thirteen year old Luke wanting to be with a six year old kid, but I say to them, it took a real man of patience and virtue to put up with, and enjoy, the six year old Jason Adams; I would've quickly smothered the little idiot with a pillow.
After eleven years, I had the chance to thank him last night. Please, take the time and read it:
Luke says:
i wonder what i was like as a kid alot of the past is hard for me to remember
Jason says:
Heh, I only remember you when you were twelve-thirteen.
Jason says:
Mmm, a little younger too.
Luke says:
i dont really remember too well
Jason says:
Heheh, do you remember when Sarah, you and I were sledding, and I smashed my face against the tree?
Luke says:
that i remember cause you cried harder then anyone i had ever seen i felt so bad about that
Jason says:
Hahahahah.
Luke says:
its interesting how emotional times trigger memeories that stay
Jason says:
You and Sarah came running down the hill, Sarah laughing as she assumed I was crying due to the snow on my face. Wiping the snow from my face she was greeted with blood and quickly realized something was wrong.
Jason says:
*nods*
Jason says:
Hahah, did me soaring through the air after hitting the log with my sled look as cool as I always imagined it?
Jason says:
From what I remember, I did a bit of a Superman pose.
Jason says:
You know, until the tree caught me.
Luke says:
it look cool till you laned lol
Luke says:
er landed
Jason says:
Hahah, yes!
Luke says:
you hit that thing damn ahrd
Jason says:
*smiles* Know why I remember that incident?
Luke says:
cuz it hurt like hell lol?
Jason says:
It wasn't the injury, I've had plenty worse since then.
Luke says:
whys that?
Jason says:
You, and I'll explain why.
Jason says:
Luke, you taught me an incredibly important lesson that day -- selflessness. After I'd lost enough blood so I got tired enough to stop crying, and Sarah had ran back to the house, you and I began walking back as well. As we walked, you looked to me and asked if I'd like you to carry me. I declined, yet, something about that stuck with me; you didn't hurt me, you and Sarah actually warned me not to use that sled, yet you still wanted to help me. Suddenly, I realized it was the good thing to do; it was the right thing to do -- selflessness. I never forgot that.
Luke says:
i am glad that you remember that i always wondered what i was like when i was younger if i still had the good heart i ahve now
Luke says:
i am glad it taught someone something too
Jason says:
Aye, you were a good young man; I learned a lot from you.
Jason says:
Consider you to I, the abidemy of the butterfly effect; nearly everything you did for me as a child, played often a large role formulating me into who I am today.
Luke says:
i knew youd turn out good you had a good heart too
Jason says:
*smiles* I never got to say it, as I was always too busy learning from you; thank you.
Luke says:
your Welcome id do it all over again too
I have little to give in tribute to such a friend. So I do this: My friends, my love, my family, all, please give this man the respect he deserves.
Luke, thank you again, because of you I can say this: I am who I am, and I'm glad that I am.
That's all for tonight.
Have a great night everyone.
God bless.
~Jason Adams
current mood: thankful
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(3 comments | comment on this)
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| Friday, January 16th, 2004
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5:32 pm - In that corner Jason's parents; in that corner....where's Jason?
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Hmm, it's been a few since I've updated, and even though it's not night, I think I'll update.
Nothing that would be especially interesting happened since Monday, until yesterday morning. Wednesday night Naomi and Jeff came over to watch "The Pianist" and eventually crash. My parents didn't know, but they never care, and the night progressed like any other night. Now, eventually Jeff had to get up around 7:30 and Naomi -- whom baby-sits -- had to get up around 6:00 to see if she was working from school reports. Jeff wanted to make sure he was awake for the following day, so he went to bed before the movie ended. Meanwhile, me and Naomi were on my large phooton, and Jeff's absence didn't make much of an indentation within our minds; we were just watching a movie. After a while, I fell asleep, as did Naomi. That morning, my parents were evidently having a really crappy introduction to the new day. My dad, angry and ready to strike anything, came downstairs and saw a woman’s jacket in the dining room, and no woman to connect it to. My parents know me, so I'm not exactly too sure what he was expecting to see, though how he entered my room definitely implied he expected something; swinging open the door and charging in, he looked around the room in the most anti-climactic fashion; rolling over I looked sleepily at him, "What are you doing?" Evidently my sleeping within four feet of Naomi was a big "No No," and in his morning muddle of rage, the normally calm man Naomi knew, spoke to us in a very informative and hostile tone. I'm still confused as to what he was expecting to see in there -- we fell asleep to a movie and Naomi's practically my sister! (stops) Come on dad, that's just wrong; you never got angry when me and my other sisters fell asleep to a movie. You even said you consider her a daughter. (resumes) Naomi was too shocked and tired to do anything, so she simply laid their in silence. After seventeen years, I've grown immune to his rage's shock-affect, so I stumbled out of bed and followed him. After a short one-sided argument, he left to work in anger. Down the stairs came my mother, who was also looking for a fight. I don't fight back. She tore me to pieces. I never stopped smiling at her, for I knew this wasn't my mom; simply a product of her rage. Eventually though, tears streaked across my grin, I apologized for being such a horrible son, and the fight was over. (stops)For those of you out their who seem to always get in fight with their parents, please realize this fight could have gone on forever, but it was a one-sided fight, and no one enjoys that; there's no such thing as a victor to a fight, so why participate? (resumes)Ten minutes went by, and my mom came to me with numerous apologies which I'd forgiven long before she brought them to me. I never entered the ring, yet if there was a victor, it was me. By the way, for the record, I agree with my parents, I should’ve been more careful; propriety is good means of avoiding unnecessary temptations.
I have a lot of friends whom idolize my family; we seem such a powerful bunch of people, and almost everyone claims there's a certain serenity which lingers around my home; so many restless hearts find peace within these doors. It wasn't always this way my friends. You know this, but most of you don't believe this. Or if you do, then you can't even possibly conceive a road for which your family could take to arrive together on this one. I'm going to share a few scenarios with you, and if any of these come even close to describing you and your family, then I want you to consider your actions all the more:
Case 1: The Plea
Report cards are home today and you think you're doing good(or maybe you're not so sure). Arriving home you find your parents fumed. They aren't saying why, but they're making it quite obvious something's up; you did bad in your grades. You attempt to stay out of the way, yet you know there's no possible way of escape; you can't leave, and you don't even want to risk confronting them to ask. Heading back to your room or another quite one, you either gather your thoughts or find something to distract yourself from this well-known inevitability.
Both parents are home now, and upon first chance they strike; voices raising with every syllable, you stare back at them as they rip the past ten weeks of your life to pieces. Evidently you were lazy; evidently you didn't try hard enough; evidently EVERYTHING is YOUR FAULT, and there WILL be penalties! By this point you're either screaming back, staring in horror, or entering that trance like state where you only slightly hear them.
They constantly throw rhetorical questions at you: "Do you want to be grounded?" "Do you want to fail?" "Do you want to have a chance at life?" Either you remain silent or scream back the obvious answers, but in your silence or shouting, you know they don't hear you at all.
Finally, you can't take it anymore, and you begin to shout back the first thing that comes to your mind as your parent(s) shout at you. "Mom" or "Dad," you exclaim, your voice attempting to peak above their own for only a second. You're not exactly to sure why you're saying their names; you don't have anything to say if they stopped talking and listened; your mind isn't that far yet. No, you do know! You want to scream their names, and you want them to respond with a calm "Yes?" Like the soldier on the battlefield, you're scared and overwhelmed, so you call for that which is supposed to bring you comfort -- your parents. Before this fight goes on any longer, you want to know if these people screaming at you, still love you; their son or daughter. You plea to them, your parents.
Case 2: Empty Words; Thick Tension
You're in your T.V. room, minding your own business, playing a game or watching a movie; food in one hand and the remote in the other, this is just the relaxation you wanted after a frustrating day at school.
In walks your parent home from a hard day at work. In their minds they had this grand vision of their home while at work, which kept them sane that day. But now that they're home, the place looks like a pile of garbage in their eyes; the floor needs to be vacuumed, the tile mopped, the dishes done -- this can't trash-bin can't be their home!
Maybe the planets were in alignment that day; maybe an African tribe fasted for a week so that such they could evade such evil; maybe you used God's name in vain one too many times, but whatever the reason is, a battle of incredible magnitude erupted as your 'presumptuous' parents claimed you to have done nothing that day. Insults shoot back and forth like bullets; "I worked all day," they attack; "So did I," you counter. One guilt-trip after another, it soon becomes apparent in both your minds that the other has absolutely no respect for the other. Now, you might claim you have respect for your parents, and that your insults are merely a defense, but either way, it's quite difficult to compile all that's being said into even a remote form of respect. In the end, their words are as hollow to you as yours are to them.
'Is there any way to end this,' you ask yourself. Or perhaps after all these years you've figured numerous ways to end such a feud and it's simply a matter of choosing which strategy to use today. Yet either way, you know that in the end, there will be no victory; it will all happen again, and probably only be worse the next time; things never seem to change for the better.
Case 3: Double-Teaming
You're in the kitchen, and you've been arguing with your mother since you got home. You know for a fact you're at the right this time; due to this sense of deserved righteousness, you may even be attempting to be as respectful as possible.
Your father comes home and says nothing as he hangs up his coat and wanders through the kitchen, the argument seeming to be of little interest to him(or maybe he jumps right in the conversation). Suddenly you say something, and even as the words escape your mouth you realize how that must've sounded and what repercussions are going to happen because of this; your father looks over to you with a serious look on his face. "Watch it," he warns you. Groaning you turn to your father and begin to explain what you meant. Your mother all the sudden pipes up and throws in her thinking, completely throwing off yours and turning it to make you look bad.
"It's a tag team," you think to yourself, your eyes rolling into the back of your head. It doesn't matter if you're right, there's no conceivable way to make your point now, so you may as well give up. The argument most likely heats up until you get in trouble, find a way or, or lie and admit you're wrong. You can't endure as long as them, as there's two of them, so what's even the point of talking when this is all they're going to do? "This tag team crap," you think to yourself, "is completely disrespectful to me."
Now I doubt your thoughts are that organized, and I doubt I covered each scenario perfectly. Everything was part of a context though, and I'm sure you realize that. There's infinite scenarios, and all the cases I displayed were rated "G" -- there's some that're simply too personal for public context.
My family has had such problems; my family wasn't even remotely close to the way we are now; we had problems. But there's beauty in such problems; my room was so disgusting I avoided it -- strong of junk and animal crap, there was no kind words for a room such as mine. Horrible? Yes. Disgusting? Oh yeah. An insult to nature? Probably, but what makes such a room so wonderful, is that no matter how bad it gets, it can always be cleaned.
As such a personal subject, there's little I can do but recognize the problem. Many of you are most likely frustrated by this, as it doesn't do much good for me to poke a cut on your arm, unless I have a way to help you heal it. Unfortunately, there's not much I can do in this situation but show you the problem, and encourage you that it is curable. Should you want a bit of direction, I encourage you to go to God and trust your heart. I'll help how I can, but please realize I can only do what I can do; I'm human, and therefore limitless only in heart, and with such prowess I reach out to your own and ask it to hear and see for you.
Should you have any questions for me, feel free to comment, call me(586-651-0266), or speak with me personally. Until then, please smile and breathe; life is a journey, and sometimes on the darkest of paths we must simply look up to the stars above for the only visible kindness.
current mood: optimistic
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| Monday, January 12th, 2004
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11:13 pm - That which can must not be, so that which will be may be even better.
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Tonight I'm feeling both definitive and farseeing; love, trust, hope, peace -- all these and more are flying through my mind. My head demanding a definition for what these truly are, and my serene heart answering calmly with a wonderful sense of solace. This sensation is most often interpreted as thinking of everything and nothing at all, at the same time. As for farseeing part, that's somewhat attached with my recent interest in time; another part is the beauty and difficulty of patience.
As my readers already know, I know Danielle's the one for me, and to the contrary of the more common lack of communication between today’s couples; she definitely knows I feel this way, and she's made it quite clear to me as well that she agrees. Alright, got that out of the way....."So now what," I ask myself constantly; now that we both simply know what's to come, what do we do now? I recall in the past numerous couples coming to me with similar questions, and I would always respond with 1 Corinthians 13:4: "Love is Patient." I came up with my own response to the repeating verse in my heart, "Yeah I know, shut up." Hah, it's not that I'm impatient, as I truly do try very hard to be, but I'm not exactly sure what I'm waiting for. Perhaps my quiz was right and I am old fashioned; in my mind, after a couple realize they were made for each other, marriage is the next step. When did academics and finances come in and make everything so complicated? Legally, financially, academically it's obvious as to why we're not setting a date, but instead prepping our hearts. Just the same, I'm currently riding off wisdom of others without having any of my own to justify my own actions! In my mind, love and academics; love and finances; love and legality don't exactly go hand in hand. At no point in 1 Corinthians 13 does it declare that love is legally, academically or financially connected; God didn't make love so that a couple married could have financial repercussions! We gave Love such issues! Yeah, I guess I am simply old fashioned; silly of me to think of marrying the love of my life without heeding the financial consequences first; it should've been the first thing on my mind when I considered how much Danielle means to me... God, thank you for hope; I hope for a happy ending, I then smile, and relax in patience's tranquility.
I know many of you, my friends, are a bit concerned about me and perhaps disappointed in me. Not to my ego, but to my honor, many of you consider me to be wise and strong; many of you come to me in questioning and uncertain times. I thank you from the bottom of my heart for trusting me so much. A few things may have shaken this up though: I talk about Danielle a lot and for someone so slow and relaxed, I seem rather hasty and tense right about now. To quickly cover why I speak of Danielle so much, I want all of my friends whom feel as lonely as I did a few months ago to consider this: In one day, you suddenly realize you're not alone; in one day, you realize why it is you breath; in one day, you realize why you were made; in one day, you realize someone was made for you; how long would you speak of such a miracle? For me, it's going to take an eternity.
I'll use another paragraph to cover the demeanor of my writing:
Truthfully, I'm sitting back, a light smirk on my face and a warm feeling in my heart even as I rant. I'm not tensed, nor am I feeling quick; I feel slow and lazy as usual. The reason I can say this is because I've simply not acted in any rash ways so far; these are simply thoughts of mine and I don't plan to act upon such thoughts until I have the blessings of God and moral wisdom.
I'll be the first to admit though(and I think Danielle would agree with me), it's the hardest thing we've ever done; life's tough, but love's just downright confusing! One minute you'll think you have something figured out, and then the unexpected issue comes and rubs its victory in your now-humbled face. Hahahah, I like a challenge. Some nights I'll be thinking to myself as I lay next to Danielle, the clock mocking me with the few minutes I have left, "You know what? I'll stay here all night if I want to! Yup, nothing can move me; my feet are firm where I stand. I love her, so why can't I just stay with her? It's not right!" --Those are my thoughts as I reluctantly put on my coat, kiss her goodnight, and leave... Can you spot the irony?
Well, I think I've done enough ranting for the night. Looking over what I've written I swell with a great sense of joy; I find my confusion very funny -- frustrating at times, yet funny just the same. Life's such a wonderful adventure and I'm so eager to see how everything turns out! Wandering down the road of life I trip, I stumble, I hit my head on branches, I get mauled by rodents; it all sucks, but before I just laid there and laughed at myself; now I have someone to laugh at me and someone to laugh at when she forgets how to walk and trips over her own feet. Hahahah, God bless us, we're going to need it.
Have a wonderful night my friends.
God bless
~Jason Adams
current mood: Joyful
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1:47 am - A sigh of relief; a smile of hope -- I breath in another day.
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Yet another day come and gone -- Time's funny that way.
Saturday was fun. It started like any other day; I woke, I showered, I ate, I strolled around. Near the end of the day though, I went over to Mike's house for a good 'ol game of Starwars RPG. Danielle called when I was over there and I talked her into coming over while we played; little did I remember that no one had a character yet, so I introduced her to the game in the worst way possible; a wonderfully boring day of "Create the Character" -- where I slowly die inside as I attempt and help a group of people make a character for themselves who don't know when to shut up(STEPH). Eh, it wasn't that bad, but it's definitly my least favorite part of the game, and a horrible way to introduce people such as Danielle to it; them singing "Time Warp" didn't help at all either. By the time we finished making characters no one had time to play, so we scheduled a time for the following day -- which unfortunately Danielle's friend Sarah couldn't make it to. Afterwards I proceeded over to my usual spot: Danielle's. That's where I push time to it's limits and procrastinate from leaving her house; I carefully squeeze the moment out of every second and even steal a few while no one's looking. That night I slept for the first time in my new room; I give it a grade "A" -- it was THAT great. Yeah, Saturday was pretty good; all I need is life to breathe in and a second to see in the eyes of my love to exhale in awe. Yeah, I liked it.
Sunday came fast; I woke up at 1:15pm and had just enough time to rub my eyes when I began getting calls about the Starwars RPG session at 2 o'clock. Jeff R. came and got me after being a bit late, but that's nothing special; I eventually got there. Without going too far into detail, the game went fairly well; I'm pretty sure everyone had fun, and I know I did. Plus, we had pizza. Afterwards I went back to my house and played some Starcraft with Danny for a while until Danielle came over after skiing. Danny left. Danielle and I went to her house and we spent some time together, the sight of her allowing me a sigh of relief. I left and the night concluded with a smile of hope. I breath yet another day.
As the night's progressed I've found myself to be caught between various states of mind. In one hand, I've got friends on my mind; on the other hand, I'd like to relax tonight. The Futurama going on the background also makes it more difficult to focus with a serious mind. I'll see what I can do though.
There's one forum inparcitular which I'm quite fond of hanging around at: Porkfry.com. And for those of you who don't know what a forum is, it's a private or public community of people whom talk about a unified subject or simply talk about whatever they want; much like how you can comment to my posts. There's a 'Philosophy' section where we talk about just that. Lately I've been finding myself more and more reluctant to speak though, as I'm beginning to realize the respect we hold for each other holds us from ever reaching a conclusion; moreover, I don't think many there even want an answer, simply something to debate about.
There's a reason why I italicized the word "respect" -- I'm ranting about Moral Relativism.
Hmm....I think I'm going to stop.
*smiles*
No, I think I'll take it easy tonight. Maybe I'll explain myself another night. Tonight's a Sunday night for peace and tranquility which I give out to the world as well. Instead, here's quiz results for two I took:
You are Mitsurugi -
Both mysterious and attractive, you captivate people with the fact that you seem to be
good at everything! Spending quiet moments with a friend and talking about what life means to you is your ideal situation. You don't like to stand out very much and you seem to be more old-fashioned
than modern, but when you do take the spotlight -- you command the floor!
cuddle and a kiss on the forehead - you like to be
close to your special someone and feel warm,
comfortable, and needed.
Hahah, God bless you all and have a great night.
~Jason Adams
current mood: Alive
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| Saturday, January 10th, 2004
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6:37 pm - Yet another good day
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Wow, I feel so good and achieved today that I can use adjectives such as "chipper" to describe how I feel! I cleaned and rearranged my room today after three years of complete trashiness -- god bless it's nickname "The Pit" but it's time for change. Aside from moving crap around and throwing junk away, I traded in my waterbed for a phooton so I can better watch my movies and such. Yes! With that out of the way, I also had a chance to speak with a good friend of mine whom I haven't spoken with for a while. We spoke of hope and faith, and I feel even better now having talked with her; it's always great to speak with friends. God bless 'em.
Last night was also good; I went over to Danielle's house where we watched "Interview with the Vampire" -- excellent movie. Afterwards I headed back over to my house where Tim, Danny and Jeff R. were; hours of Starcraft poured by -- I didn't play until the end, but I had fun watching and helping out. With a smile I realize that it's time such as that which I will hardly remember within singularity, but within the context of a great day and an even better tomorrow, it just makes life all the better.
Now for a much more serious turn of subjects; I return to further my explanation as to what's been going on within my head at late: Time; for one reason or another, I've had an obsession with the very topic of time. I don't know exactly what question I'm looking to answer, but for some reason I felt it necessary to study up on it; to know exactly what it is that I'm dealing with. To my dismay, I found that barely anyone has even a vague idea as to what or why it is. Characters such as Einstein and Newton managed to realize the presence of time and how it affects the world around us, but none-the-less they simply scratched their chins to the definition thereof. I've spoken with friends of mine of equal interests in this such as my good friend Dave, but in the end we only came up with a somewhat interesting theory pertaining more to human's interaction with time:
"psionic_angel178 (1:55:05 PM): What's interesting to me, is that all my friends -- such as yourself, have such contrasting backgrounds and current situations, yet often times carry almost identical ideas. At times it almost appears as if time has not the capacity to control our souls which denies us the ability to think, and grants us the ability to know."
Hmm, I've been feeling the gears in my head turning for a few weeks now; my mind formulating something about time; a definition is in my head, it's just not ready to come out yet. Damn that's frusterating. Eh, whatever, I'll let you all know what happens. Until then, I'd rather just relax about it.
Alright, I'm heading over to Mike's now. Hopefully I'll get a chance to see Danielle tonight, I can survive missing a day without seeing her, but it really doesn't feel right when she's not with me for at least a moment; I never sleep well either. We're playing some Pen&Paper Starwars RPG at his house tonight and I'm the Storyteller as usual. We're all geeks and proud of it!
God bless you, I know I would if I could.
~Jason Adams
current mood: chipper
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| Thursday, January 8th, 2004
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3:02 pm - Why not...
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I decided to post in my journal again, for what seems no reason at all. Yet the reason in my own mind, is the ability to elaborate to my friends exactly what is going on in my life. There seems to be a muddle in the humble town of Romeo that most have come to so simply call 'Jason--' just let him do his own thing; he means well, so why stop him? I suppose this concept is beginning to grow a bit dull to me, as I'd much rather my friends take the lead roles in my life as they deserve to; they all greatly impact me for the better, and in the most recessive ways. I'm curious how much more they could do if I allowed them to take a stronger grasp upon my life. I trust they'll do well.
I suppose I could start off by explaining the currently largest impact upon my life: Danielle. I've had five girlfriends, all of which were amazing people and I love them all so dearly. I had the infinite honor of seeing a part of all of them which they'd never shown anyone else, and the mere sight of such a beauty within them has improved me to who I am today. If any of you are reading this, I thank you from the bottom of my heart for all you've done for me. Ibid to the point of this paragraph though, Danielle. Each girlfriend was awesome, but I believe they'd agree with me when I said the love we felt wasn't strongly that of a romantic or life-bonding type. I'm feeling bold, so I'll simply come out and say it; I love her so much; I'm going to marry this one. Like everyone else in my life, it's going to take me at least an eternity to repay back half of what she's done for me, simply for the small moment's I've spent with her. I don't believe in situational miracles, as nothing in this plane of existence is worth anything. But I do believe in people being miracles, and if that's the case, I am so very blessed; from each compliment I receive to each fight my friend's an I get in(E.G. Mortal Kombat), I don't deserve the time they give me just to scream at me. Thank you.
Wow, I horribly digressed in that last paragraph, but that's okay! I suppose I don't have too much of an update today; there's always a million things to be said, but there's only one moment to say it in, and it's a matter of deciding if that is and isn't the right moment for. Mostly, I just wanted to express my gratitude to everyone in the world; you're all so wonderful, I only hope to repay you for that smile or joke; every one means so much to me.
God bless you, I know I would if I could.
~Jason Adams
current mood: Serene
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| Thursday, April 25th, 2002
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9:54 pm - Inside the mind, of Jason Adams
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Be careful, you can get burnt, it's hot
Alright, had to get that out of my system. Anyway onto your favorite person in this whole wide, damned, world.
I was thinking tonight, about random conversations I've had with people over the years. Hundreds, and hundreds, of philosophies passed back and forth. I then think about a fairly recent conversation I had about energy. Not just motion, but all kinds of energy, and what energy really is. We were discussing the speed of light; on my end it was not possible, for infinite energy is impossible; the other end of the table was attempting to convince me, using Einsteins theory of "The Law of Conservation of Energy." This law states that energy can neither be created nor destroyed; it only changes form and plays a game of "Where's Waldo?"
If you account for all the energies of a system, then whatever energy is present at one point in time, is also present at another instant in time; its just in different forms.
So Time/Energy(x) = Time/Energy(y)
If they arne't equal, you probably missed finding one of the forms.
As you examine each form of energy, always remember that whenever energy changes form, work gets done. Energy is actually stored work, so using phrases like "stored energy", is redundant. If you said this, you'd be describing energy as stored stored work. A battery has energy but does not store energy.
Work can be stored in a variety of forms, so energy can be present in a variety of forms. Most common types of energy physics are:
Kinetic Energy (KE) - The energy of motion
Gravitational Potential Energy (GPE) - Energy due to height in a gravitational field.
Elastic Potential Energy (EPE or PEspring) - Energy due to something that is stretched or compressed.
Electrical Energy (W) - Energy due to seperation of charges.
Internal Energy or Heat (Q) - Energy due to vibration of atoms and molecules.
mass Energy - Matter is actually energy.
Stay tuned tomarrow, for my side of the argument. This is Jason Adams and his Theoretical Physiology.
Later all
current mood: Philosophical
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| Friday, April 5th, 2002
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9:37 pm - Hey everyone
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psionic_angel178: ITS THE END OF THE WORLD!
ratman_911: hehe
psionic_angel178: omg! ratfest! no!
psionic_angel178: heheh, whats up?
ratman_911: hehe
ratman_911: that font is so annoying :)
psionic_angel178: ah made it just for you
psionic_angel178: actually, I can't change it. Yahoo is being fucking wierd, it's not supposed to look like this....
ratman_911: its cool I just turn off fonts
psionic_angel178: It is off
psionic_angel178: there, finally
ratman_911: hehe
psionic_angel178: It wouldn't change for hours
psionic_angel178: I'd try and change the colors, instead it add colors
ratman_911: uh huh
psionic_angel178: Lets make a goal for this conversation
psionic_angel178: You use more than three words at a time
ratman_911: haha ok lets try it
psionic_angel178: I give yah five minutes, and you'll failt.
psionic_angel178: *fail
ratman_911: what are your thoughts on compulsory voting?
psionic_angel178: I say to compulsory voting....
ratman_911: Im writing a paper right now on voting reform. this is one of the topics Im addressing. Compulsory voting is where everyone has to show up to the voting polls on Election day or face a fine/penalty. They dont HAVE to cast a ballot but they have to show up and have their named checked off
psionic_angel178: I know
psionic_angel178: compulsory
ratman_911: k
psionic_angel178: Compulsory voting, lets see.... I think that each person should have to vote, it's a nation run by the people. If the people don't do things for themselves then it's ran off only a few peoples imaginations.
psionic_angel178: Thus limiting the power given to us by the fathers of our country who made this brilliant system.
psionic_angel178: It's thing like compulsory voting which brings this nation to its knees. People should vote for themselves, not be forced to vote, and vote by the best of their knowledge.
psionic_angel178: *things
ratman_911: So you are against compulsory voting?
psionic_angel178: Yes, I don't like it when people don't vote. But when they're forced to, they won't give a full-hearted answer.
ratman_911: yeah I agree. In this paper we put together a proposal for voting reform and my plan had 3 parts; improved voter registration through statewide registration and same-day registration, make Election Day a national holiday or combine with veterans day, and increased funding to voting technology research. At the end I have to include why other plans wont work and I just pretty much trash compulsory voting
psionic_angel178: that'd be an intriging paper to write
ratman_911: its better than writing about 16th centuary poetry or "a decision that I made where my choice was not the popular one". but I'd rather be doing something else :)
psionic_angel178: *intritguing
psionic_angel178: damnit *intrigueing
psionic_angel178: politics are fun to rack on
ratman_911: Am I allowed to say "hehe yeah"
psionic_angel178: I like to write in my own time. I write some political issues, personal issues (abortion and such; things important to me), and religious issues
psionic_angel178: other than that, I write novels (currently am working on a vampire novel)
ratman_911: thats cool. I like some aspects of writing, sorta like what you are talking about, but really hate others
psionic_angel178: philosophies, mythology, and science are my main areas
psionic_angel178: But I'm not bad at writing others
psionic_angel178: (pardon me if you don't like christianity) God gave me a talent to write really good, so I like to write.
ratman_911: uh huh. I use to think I could write good then I got to college and got my ass kicked :)
ratman_911: it was a honors writing course on greek literature... urgh I dont even want to think about it
psionic_angel178: Well I've gotten awards for my writing
psionic_angel178: hopefully, collage won't kick my butt that bad
ratman_911: thats cool. It was more of the reading/ideas we were writing about that was kicking my ass. Im pretty good at writing my thoughts down, but.. well writing about what homer was trying to symbolize in the Odyessue with some stupid random object was pretty hard :)
psionic_angel178: hahah
psionic_angel178: You got the teacher that finds the deepest meaning in the stupidest things?
ratman_911: blah theres whole departments at school where thats all they do. kinda pisses me off sometimes... Im like "YOU IDIOTS HOMER WAS JUST TELLING A STORY, QUIT READING SO FAR INTO IT AND GET A REAL JOB"
psionic_angel178: hahah
psionic_angel178: Go dave
psionic_angel178: Wow, they have departments to do that.....I don't understand what people expect to find.
psionic_angel178: Instead of pulling apart books, couldn't they be creating the cure for cancer or making the perfect computer?
ratman_911: hehe yeah. It just blows my mind when I see a professor who has pretty much worked his entire life just on understanding "deeper meanings" in 2000 year old books.
psionic_angel178: *sigh* He's searching for the meaning, he's trying to find answers the author knew to life.
psionic_angel178: It's pathetic, really, plato, sacretes, all the "Great Greek Philosophers"
ratman_911: hehe yeah. I dont really get much into philosophy like that but a lot of my friends have taken philosophy classes
psionic_angel178: They didn't have any different thoughts that I have all the time, it's just that they actually stood up and said them. Are people so stupid as to sit here and wait for others to make the philosophies so they don't have to?
ratman_911: yeah I know what you mean
ratman_911: aight I gotta head out for the night
ratman_911: hehe nice actually talking with you :)
psionic_angel178: you too dave
psionic_angel178: cya later man
ratman_911: later
Heheh, that was a fun talk, rippin on politics....
Score!
Hah, dave yeh bastard, "nice actually talking with you". I Know what he ment...heheh
current mood: Philosophical
current music: my computer fan
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| Wednesday, March 27th, 2002
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10:36 pm - My colors
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| Thursday, March 7th, 2002
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9:19 pm
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8:56 pm
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8:47 pm
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8:35 pm
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You sometimes doubt yourself - who you are and what you can do. You're a curious person, with questions and concerns about the world. You go along with the crowd and aim to please others to your best ability. But when you finally discover what you're really capable of, you can do some serious ass kickin'! You're fast and furious, and you will always stick up for what you believe, and those who you care for. Not only that, but you're charming and charismatic, so you get along with people well, and others often look up to you.
Guess I'm in a test taking mood...
current mood: calm
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7:37 pm - hmm
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Would you rather be told you're going to die in two days, or have to tell your loved one they'll die in two days?
current mood: calm
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7:22 pm
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| Friday, February 15th, 2002
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1:15 am
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Yesterday in english we were told to right an essay on whether we would want to live in the present time or one-hundred years ago. As a student it is my duty to make her think I hate this and I just do it get through the class. In reality, that question has got me thinking alot. If we were to live one-hundred years ago we'd be without cars, tvs, computers, microwaves; almost all technology we know wouldn't exsist. This didn't sound to appetizing to me so I thought about it a bit more:
Every time a cure for a disease is invented. Somewhere else in the world two weapons are being invented. This means that the ratio of weapons to cures is 2:1. If you think about it, that's a pretty pathetic ratio. You can then look at other aspects of technology. Television, without you even knowing it television has educated most of you. When you think of a romantic moment you think of something out of a movie. When you hear something funny you automatically try to pin-point the movie that was from. It's so automatic and out of our consiousness most of us still wouldn't realize it even after thinking about it.
Does this mean that one-hundred years ago people had more free minds? As our minds get cluttered up with all this pointless crap that the tv projects into there. We begin to become mentally lazy and creativity is shot. People don't realize how important our imagination is, and it's being covered up. Half out our ability to think, learn, and experiance new things is based off our imaginations.
Next we have the problem that our world population is now over six billion people. That may not sound like much but you have to realize how crowded the US is. Then after that notice that we don't even have one billion people in the US. So, as we get more cluttered we are required to take up more land so it doesn't get too crammed up in the same areas. Cities grow, rural areas become urban areas, and farms become smaller and smaller. The average farmer used to own fifty-square miles of land.
It's kinda sad how when I talk to people, most are awed by what I've done. Some people don't even believe where I've been and what I am. I am related to John Adams and John Quincy Adams; second and seventh presidents. My grandpa also helped build the rocket that first landed on the moon. Thus, having his name on a plack on the moon. All because people are getting mentally and physically lazy many things are becoming very unbelievable. I also realize that there's so many people that there need to be fire-fighters, teachers, and janitors. That is beyond my control, but don't let that degrade you. I doubt the janitor grew up dreaming of becoming a janitor someday.
What I'm getting to is I personally believe that it'd be better to live one-hundred years ago. Less people, less killing, more peace with other countries. But we dont' have the choice to live then. So live now, make the most of it, persue your goals, relax but work hard.
Philosophies of Psionic Angel ©
Under copyright law. Please ask before copying.
current mood: Philosophical
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